Aloha Everyone..

I'm sitting here at jordyn's dad's house..

We just painted our finger/toe nails for the dance tonight. They are black!! We haven't painted our nails black since like 6th grade when it was the cool thing to do! ..

It's only 4:45.. I wish it was time to get ready. I love getting ready for stuff like that. I think I'm just doing something simple with my hair. Just hot rollers and a pony tail. I have a really cute little black dress that kind of swings when I dance with little cute black shoes. I wasn't supposed to get the shoes. But my mom sent me to pick up rent at the apartments we own, and there was a lot of mula in my pocket so.... ehh.. lol yanno! I also bought a camera and some candy with Jo.

Usher is too fine! I can't even stand it. -- Just like Kyle James. I love Kyle.

I stay the night at his house a lot with his sister.. and omg he is just yummy! (Nicky I know you hate it when I talk about your bro! Sorry)

Jo and I are getting Malti-Poo's for our birthdays! .. We're not revealing the names of our puppies right now because sometimes people steal things like that. So you will all just have to wait until May 4th and May 5th!!

I want to be hypnotized.. wouldn't that be great?

Tricia : I hope you enjoy brushing your teeth in the morning.. and I hope you loveeeee the new messages we left around the room for you! :) -- love ya!

Brian can't be my date tonight! :( .. And it makes me sad. He was really excited to go. Then just my luck he got food poisoning. He couldn't come to school today, but I tried to make him get lots of rest so just maybe he'd be able to go to the dance.. No luck! So now Jordyn and Nicole are my dates! But that's fine. Going with girls can be triple the fun!

Everyone go! .. Don't go all out. It's just a little black and white dance. You can even wear a color.. just come!!!!!!!!!

Kobe's breath smells bad.. but he's so adorable. Tricia doesn't deserve him..

Kay.. well ta-ta everyone. Hope to see y'all at the Big ol' caribou high dance! :)

-kisses

Elizabeth

Wow.. it's been like 235894 days since I've updated. I just got so busy with things, then I'd come home and be sooo tired.

So.. where shall we start!

I have a new job @ Quizno's!! M'mm.. if you haven't had a sub there yet, go get one a.s.a.p!! They are so awesome. It's so nice to have a job agian.

Me and Brian are doing great!! :) .. Everything has been perfect.

I'm in a much better mood now. Things are going so smoothly. My mom and I are back to being best friends again. It just makes life so much easier.

Tomorrow is the dance!!! :) .. I'm excited. I love to dance. I kind of wish it was just a simple dance, like jeans and a tank top. But thats okay. I'm glad people aren't going all out. We're just "free-ballin it!" (right jo?) I got a little dress from debs and I'm not even doin my hair. Most of the other girls are doing it like that too. I hate it when girls go all out like it's prom. I remember last year all the freshmans wore like big prom dresses to snowball and their hair was all puffy.

Brian's going with me too :) I think lol. He wants to, but I kind of like going to dances on my own. It's fun just dancing with the girls. But if he wants to come, that's fine by me. It's also nice having my baby there to slow dance with.

Ahh.. I'm really tired.

Another half day tomorrow! :) That's awesome.. we've only been in school for like 3 days this week.

Chelsea, let me know when you want me to come watch you do your dance! I'll be there!

Well I guess this is where I'm gonna end it for now.

Ta-ta

Do you ever just feel alone?

Like you're the only one?

I never did.. but now getting clean I don't have all my old friends.

I'm out of my safety zone.

I've tried to make new clean friends who will support me and love me, and believe me I have. But sometimes I just don't feel as if I belong.. Sometimes I just feel left out.. I feel as if I'm not actually one of them.. I just came along.

 I keep a smile on my face and pretend everything is great.. but now it's getting to hard. I'm breaking down inside. I miss things I shouldn't. I depended on that for so long now I don't know how to live.. I miss my old self, but I don't. My old self was unhealthy, mean, selfish. I know it sounds dumb I say I miss that. But if you were ever to take a step in my old shoes you'd know. Some people tell me they know how I feel. But when you've never had what I have.. you have no idea. The hurt, the pain, the lies.. I wish I would of never taken the road I did. I feel as if I've ruined myself. I'm getting better.. but mentally I feel like I'm getting worse. I feel so alone inside. I'm always crying on the inside.

I was so proud of myself for quitting. Even though it hurt. I couldn't walk for 3-4 days because of the withdrawls, no one could touch me, I cried, I yelled, my nose ran, I puked my brains out, my eyes were a yellowy glaze, every muscle in my body ached.. I went through all of these awful things because I thought something was "fun" That something took over my life and turned it into this...

This aloneness..

This sadness..

By myself..

My new friends made me feel new! Like I was worth something.. They loved me for me. Not because I could find something so they could get high, or because I could give them a ride to get high. But because I was Elizabeth Dee.

I'm trying so hard to do right. I'm working my ass off to keep my grades up, I'm trying so hard not to reach out to the next pill when I know it's there, I'm trying so hard to mend broken family relationships..

But after a while trying so hard, you just want to give up. Throw it all away..

Sometimes I wonder, " Is it worth it? " .. Working so hard, for what?

Maybe it's just a bad week.. these after effects suck. In the past I would never have to deal with this stuff.. because I always had something there to take away my pain and to make me forget everything.

Not now..

Now it's all me.. Nothing to cover it all up. I'm doing things now that I haven't done in 2 and a half years.. It's rough, but I know I can pull through.

I keep trying and trying.. I can't give up.

I need a hug.

Thanks everyone for your love and support.

Love,

Me

-- Hat Day Tomorrow!! I'm wearing my cute pink fuzzy Gap hat! :)

I felt yucky and fatty today.. so tonight I went to Curves and now I feel allll better! It's such a good feeling working out. It takes away stress and it's fun!

Xanga is so awesome! I have made friends with girls that I would of never just talked to at school.. It's really weird! I've talked to a lot of people on here that I've never talked to before! It's this great little community! lol.

Vacation in two more days!! :)

Winter Carnival is fun fun fun! Juniors and Seniors halls look sweet.. but the other two grades need to get thier booties goin'!

Ladies are we doing lip sync tomorrow or what? Tomorrow is Thursday and that means tomorrow is our last day to practice!!!!! And the boys really should be there to learn it, or their not going to have a clue what they're saying.

We need to find out who the loser is that wrote that on Jordyn's site. It's someone completely gay! They made that site just so they could say something immature like that. Get a life! They're probably totally jealous. Telling her she looks like a man and shit.. ha, I'd love to see what that person looks like! ..

childish..

My rice crispy sqaures are hidding in my bedroom because my step brother eats them all! Last batch I made I ate two and when I got up in the morning they were alllll gone! No joke.. all of them! So I learned and now they stay with me!! haha.

M'mm.. and boy are they good.

Holly needs to keep her mouth zipped. She was back talking to Ursula today .. it was hilarious. She was talking like she was queen bee or something. Urs gave it right to her and told her exactly what she was..

I love Urs!

Teachers are giving too much homework for vaca!

Mrs. Taylor is still being grrrrrrr.....

The love of my life *Brian Hitchcock* and I had a wonderful day together. After school we went for a nice little ride out far away .. alone! Then we bought some ice cream, had lots of laughs and kisses.

I love Brian..

I'm making a scrap book of me and him! :)

Have a Wonderful Night Everyone!

Love love love love y'all!

Lizzy Loo Hoo

My rice crispy squares were a huge success!! :) M'mm..    I brought one to Brian this morning at school and he loved it too!

School was okay today.. Cooking class was awesome!!

Me and Steph S. chopped up strawberries and bananas then we melted chocolate in a big pot and ate it!! The other groups made chips and salsa and some big dish that was kind of like a taco salad. So cooking class rocked!

I had my counseling today in PI.. then instead of heading right back to school I stopped by the mall. I picked up 5 really cute shirts for only like 50 dollars! .. Everything at Jc Penny is on such a good sale! If you get a chance go!!!!!! All the shirts were under $9. It was great.

I went back to school and right when I walked through the doors my cell went off. Mr. Dearbourne or however you spell his friggin name tried to grab it out of my hands. I was not to happy and told him to get away.. then he pulled harder.. I was like grrr you're gonna break my phone!!!!! .. Then after a little fighting he backed off.

I don't think today was a good teacher day..

Mrs. Taylor tried fighting with me.. then Melinda broke in and told her right where to go! It was so great. Melinda would say something and Mrs. Taylor had absoulutly no come back at all.. but the whole time Melinda was absoulutly right!!!!

Some teachers.. grr..

Brian made me angry today.... guys just don't get it.

I went to Jo's after school

Our song is really cute.. the beginning if you listen to the words really well they are hilarious!! .. It's cute and simple.

Vacation hurry up and get here...

April Miami trip is gonna rock ladies! .. I'm just going to give the same amount of money melinda gave to your mom, kay jo? Then my mom is gonna give me extra for spending. But I'll see if I can get that money within the next couple of days! .. wow we're gonna have a blast.. Nicole I want you to go.. Em is going too right?

I need to get away from Caribou and some people for a bit..

I get a pee test every week for the program I'm in.. and once again I passed my test!!!!! Heck yes . you know it! I've done so well. It's so great. Everyone has been really supportive and helpful.. Thanks! :)

I'm gonna go work out... I feel chunky.. :S.. yuck!!!!!!!!

Ta-ta everyone..

Lizzy Loo Hoo